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On the Edge of Failure

October 18, 2014

I’m currently taking a screenwriting class at Pittsburgh Filmmakers. Every week, we have to write a scene, so this is my first attempt. The assignment was to write an eating scene.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY.

STACY, a psychology PhD student, has a sarcastic sense of humor to make up for her perpetual feeling of being on the edge of failure. Her best friend, NAOMI, a biology PhD student, is a week away from her due date. Both are lesbians and have a casual intimacy.

NAOMI

Stacy!

Naomi stands up to hug Stacy.

STACY

I swear you are bigger every time I see you.

Stacy touches Naomi’s belly.

NAOMI

Oh god I know. I can’t believe I let Kim convince me to get pregnant instead of adopt.

STACY

Well it’s a little late to change your mind.

NAOMI

I know. I’m just nervous about the baby coming out of my vagina part.

STACY

Please, we’re about to eat.

Flamboyantly gay WAITER enters.

WAITER

What can I get you two?

NAOMI

Do you have anything spicy? But not too spicy?

STACY

You sound like a crazy person.

WAITER

The baby wants what the baby wants!

NAOMI

Well, actually, I was reading this article that babies can get accustomed to tastes in the womb and I want my baby to be able to eat spicy foods even though I don’t actually like them.

STACY

Definitely crazy.

WAITER

Well, we have chili!

NAOMI

I’m not sure that’s the right kind of spicy. Whatever, I’ll have that.

STACY

And you’ve already started accepting second-best for your child.

Naomi gives Stacy a look.

I’ll have a bacon cheeseburger.

NAOMI

Do you ever order anything else here?

STACY

Tried and true, baby.

NAOMI

Well anyway, I should send you that fetal palate paper. It was actually really funny. They literally included photos of babies tasting garlicky milk who had been exposed to high and low levels of garlic in the womb. They made the cutest faces.

STACY

And we call ourselves scientists.

NAOMI

It was almost as good as that paper about the T-rex gait where they had pictures of chickens with plungers attached to their butts.

STACY

Where do you find these articles?

NAOMI

Science. I have to read something while waiting for all those doctors appointments. Anyway, what about you? How’s not being pregnant?

STACY

Well clearly I need to make more time to read the literature. I don’t know. I’m running a new experiment on lie-detection. Although I’m starting to think I should run it on Kira.

Food arrives.

NAOMI

You think she’s cheating on you?

STACY

No, she’s just been acting strangely. I think she’s going to break up with me.

NAOMI

Isn’t that what you wanted?

STACY

Well yeah but not like this. Maybe I should break up with her first.

NAOMI

Or you could try the thing where you have an honest conversation.

STACY

You know some people wonder why we never got together.

NAOMI

You’re changing the subject.

STACY

Oh look at the time, got to run.

Stacy grabs the rest of her burger and rushes out, mouthing “Sorry”.

NAOMI

(to herself)

Well I guess I’ll get the rest of this to go.

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