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Tired

September 6, 2010

I’m tired of seeing the same thing every day for the last month. Mostly, I’m bored to the point of being unmotivated to do anything.

I’m tired of organizing, cleaning, and documenting. I feel like that’s all I’ve done this whole cruise.

Although the CTD has been a highlight – I like debugging electrical problems. Very fun.

Days like this make me want to quit this job, move home, and spend next semester taking classes at UMBC. Although other days, I get excited about the upcoming dry dock period in Jan-Apr. There are rumors of completely gutting the computer lab and redoing all the computer systems …

Mostly I just want to be happy. So far, I have figured out that this job does not improve my overall happiness. I feel like the main reason I want to go to grad school is because I have always liked school. I’ve always felt reasonably good at it. But that’s probably a bad reason because grad school is probably hard and potentially not fun. Then I worry that the real real reason I want to go to grad school is because I’m terrified of change and school is the only thing I’ve ever known so it’s the only thing I can think of to go back to.

In any case, I’m sure I’ll like a job that requires graduate education more than this one.

Despite all of this, I don’t regret taking this job. I’m fairly certain that I would have always wondered/wished I had done it. Now I’m pretty much cured of my "irrational" (that’s really not the right word) desire to do random labor type things (like go to Antarctica … did you know that it’s really dry in Antarctica? I’ve been reading the blogs of some people with terrible rashes … it sounds very unpleasant.) Maybe I should have taken the job at Constellation, but I feel like that would have lead me down a very different path and it was not a path I was ready for. I needed to grow and figure out what I want in life. I still haven’t figured out what I want – but at least now I’m pretty sure I don’t know!

I kind of want to be my own boss. A couple of the other techs I’ve been working with are private contractors who own their own consulting companies (which consist of one employee). I kind of like that idea. Of course, it only works if you’re highly skilled and in demand.

Right now I just feel "eh" about everything.

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